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u/SereneGoldfish Mar 26 '22
I wonder if she complimented him
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u/JockBbcBoy Mar 26 '22
Given the fact that she posted this, probably not. She clearly thought he was there to fulfill her emotional needs but screw his.
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u/LLUFFMAN Mar 26 '22
My ex didnt compliment me until the last few months of our relationship (we were together for 4 years) it was far too late at that point. I had already given up on showering her with compliments after about 2 years, all she did was complain that I used to be so nice. Girls want equality but dont often actually act accordingly.
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 26 '22
Don't blame women for you having a bad ex, there are plenty of girls out there who will compliment you as much as you compliment them.
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u/chrisplaysgam Mar 27 '22
I don’t think he deserves to be downvoted, but I agree with you
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 27 '22
Since on Reddit positive vs negative vote scores effectively mean good ideas vs bad ideas you kinda have to, otherwise it's implied that the commenter is right in what they say. Obviously in reality there is more nuance involved, but the internet hive mind as a collective doesn't see that.
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u/LLUFFMAN Mar 27 '22
Yes you're right. I should have put "some girls" it is wrong to paint any group of people with one brush. My mistake
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u/LLUFFMAN Mar 27 '22
Plus it should be noted i put girls, not women.
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 27 '22
I don't think that's a distinction you should really be making. To separate women into good and mature (women) and bad and irresponsible (girls) is still kinda shitty, because it turns the word girl into a gendered insult like bitch or cunt. When you link their gender to the insult you are taking away women's agency and then also demonizing them for a quality that you yourself prescribed to them. Just say something like "I don't like immature women who are unfair in relationships," you need to pull emphasis away from their gender and instead put it on the specific negative qualities that bother you. It is totally fair to say you've had a bad time with particular women, but if you're not careful how you say it you will convince other people (and over time yourself as well) that you believe women are always a bad time.
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u/LLUFFMAN Mar 27 '22
Plus this is the internet and anything i say can be picked apart and flaws found within. Im not trying to demonize anyone. My ex, to be fair to her, had never been in or even seen a remotely healthy relationship. Thats not to say i had either but we all pick up different things from situations and sometimes completely unknowingly replicate negative things we have seen/experienced. Im not even saying that ex was a bad girlfriend, overall she really wasnt, but that was one thing that upon reflection bothered me without me even really being aware of it at the time. I hadnt even noticed that i myself had adjusted my behaviour towards her in reaction to her behaviour until she adjusted hers positively and i started to realise how little i had been complimenting her in the latter 2 years of the relationship. We both had/have loads to learn, but we were young and just feeling our way around the relationship and our own individual growth as best as we both could at the time.
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u/LLUFFMAN Mar 27 '22
Im not using girl as an insult i just think there is a difference between a grown woman and a young girl. Just like man vs boy. I dont think thats particularly unfair. We all have room to grow tho, i sure do and im not trynna say im perfect or i even deserved to be treated perfectly. It was merely just how i felt/feel about particular people and was trying to use my own real world experiences as an example. I have had previous girlfriends who were amazing in that area and did always make me feel just as appreciated as i tried to make them feel. Im not trying to be completely cut and dry tho. As i say, im learning and growing as best i can. I am only 24
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 27 '22
For either men or women unless you are literally talking about their age it is still an insult, you are implicitly tying your issue with their perceived immaturity to their gender. I have had men dismissively call me girl and it drives me up the fucking wall, cuz it makes it real obvious they think I'm immature or dumb but they don't want to say it out loud and get in trouble. Women get a lot of shit just for being women, so if you don't want to piss us off I really recommend you keep gender as far away from your insults as you can.
I'm not calling you a bad person, but 24 is plenty old enough to seriously think about how you use your words and what they mean both to you and others. You have to remember that it's on you to properly communicate what you're thinking, because you can't control how other people will interpret what you say. If there is room or implication that what you said is offensive there will be people who take offense to it.
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u/LLUFFMAN Mar 27 '22
Oh come off it will you 😂 i can tell what kind of girl you are
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 27 '22
Aaaand there it is. You ever consider your girlfriend was mean to you because you're a condescending asshole? Not that it would justify her behavior, but maybe something to think about.
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u/eilishfaerie Mar 27 '22
what does women wanting equality have to do with your crap ex not reciprocating compliments
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Mar 27 '22
girls don't want equality they want favoritism
ask why none of your feminists ever fight for men's rights.
Men are being discriminated against just as much as women are, just for different reasons. and yet is anybody screaming and yelling and renting the raving over that no of course not because no one gives a shit about men being discriminated against.
so no women don't want equality they want favoritism
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u/eilishfaerie Mar 27 '22
besides the fact that plenty of women do advocate for mens rights, are you actively making an effort to fight against discrimination against men? or are you just shitting on a whole gender because it makes you feel better
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Mar 27 '22
neither
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u/eilishfaerie Mar 28 '22
then why are you complaining. it's like a black person complaining that there's racism in the employment system then continuing to not make an effort to get a job
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Mar 28 '22
of course, because I have a great woman in my life and because we have been toether for almost 7 years, means I get to have to have an opinion on dating relationshiops, marriage or equality.
From now on, no one (who has a mate) gets to have an opinion on those issues because it might hurt your feelings because you don't have anyone. and that fact is so skewed in your mind when someone with an ounce of happiness speaks up your fraqgile sense of reality can't handle the fact that not everyone if us as fucked as you are.
What are you the real life version of the recent Joker characterization? Are you really trying so hard to prove the world is as fuck up as you?
IF NOT then STOP being so fucking cringe over the idea that someone who is not single and hapy can still have an opinion.
and BTW this ---> "it's like a black person complaining that there's racism in the employment system then continuing to not make an effort to get a job"v
does not fit my life's circumstances. I have a great woman, two kids, and (from what it sounds) have already MORE relationshipos then you wil ever have.
In fact, I am willing to bet: your little racist comment about black people is most likely projection masquerading as a clusmy assumtion. It's prolly alot more accurate to say that your incel lifestyle and relationship history are a result of the exact logic you use to base your opinions about black people.
Not only are you a major incel, but a racist incell at that.
Let me say it again you INCEL: YOU ARE RACIST!
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Mar 26 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BestAtempt Mar 26 '22
You think… that is the problem? Not the systemic racism, or the corrupt politicians, or the greedy 1% oligarchs… it’s the fact that woman want equality that the major issue?
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u/Stickguy259 Mar 26 '22
Dude's definitely an incel if he thinks that's the problem with the modern world. Also using the word "power" instead of saying equality like you did really shines a light on their thought process. It's not about power it's about everyone being treated equal, and yes there's some women who will want to be showered with attention and doted on just like there's some men who want to be showered with attention and doted on. He can't pretend like there aren't men who expect women to clean, cook, and basically be sex objects. It's a two way street.
That's a problem with people being shitty, it's not a gender issue.
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u/Bearence Mar 26 '22
A quick perusal of his commenting history shows that he likes to participate in the men's rights subs and plays alot (a LOT) of games. I'm guessing that for him, women being equal to men is indeed the problem with the world, since his actual participation in the world is limited to the insular world he creates for himself online.
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u/Stickguy259 Mar 26 '22
I mean that is a pretty intolerant look at games. I know girls who play a LOT of games too. It's not about limiting your access to the world it's about doing things that make you happy. Just because people prefer to do things at home, that isn't an excuse or a reason to act like that person does. Games have nothing to do with it. That's like back when people mentioned that reading a lot or watching movies or tv a lot made you into a bad person.
Not everyone likes going out, but people who go out a lot can become toxic just like people who stay in. There's really no difference between people who feel like they constantly need to be around people and people who want to be by themselves in that regard. That's just the difference between introverts and extroverts. Are introverts just supposed to sit at home alone, and extroverts should never take the time to be alone?
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u/Bearence Mar 26 '22
I'm not going to justify my pointing out that he spends all of his time gaming. Go look at his posting history. He does two things: talks about the games he plays and talks about how terrible women are. I'd be just as critical of someone who only talks about nothing but sports and how terrible women are, or someone who only talks about binge watching Netflix and how terrible women are. It isn't about his gaming, it's about his confidently wrong assertion that women are the problem with the world when his exposure to the world is so limited.
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u/macrotransactions Mar 26 '22
i see someone intolerant of gamers, i hope you become less hateful one day
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u/Bearence Mar 26 '22
I'm not intolerant of gamers, I'm intolerant of misogynists. The fact that you are a gamer is incidental, it's just your specific way in which you limit your access to the real world. I'm sorry if that truth hurts you so much.
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u/Fofalus Mar 26 '22
The fact that you are frequent reddit is incidental, it's just your specific way in which you limit your access to the real world. I'm sorry if that truth hurts you so much.
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u/macrotransactions Mar 26 '22
you just said i should not participate on the discourse how society should be structured because i play games
you are a very hateful and intolerant person and you should be ashamed of your personality
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u/Bearence Mar 26 '22
You are really bad at reading comprehension, or you're being purposefully obtuse. Either way, none of this is up for discussion. You are a misogynist and a terrible person, period.
Good day to you.
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u/macrotransactions Mar 26 '22 edited Mar 26 '22
be less hateful, more tolerant, women or your other favorites aren't the only beings that can be discriminated, anyone can
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u/macrotransactions Mar 26 '22 edited Mar 26 '22
ye dude its surely equality how men are trapped in ukraine by law to die against putin while women can just flee and are treated like strong and independent deserving as much power as men when it benefits them
if women want half the power, they need to give up all their traditional benefits of being seen as the "weak sex" and for example die in war just like men
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u/Stickguy259 Mar 26 '22
Okay dude, whatever you say. Women are usually the caretakers of the child. I agree that if the man is the one who is stay at home and the mom works then the mom should be the one to be conscripted. But you're also talking about another country. Here in the US we aren't at war and we have different laws.
Yeah, men usually are the ones who go to war, and they are usually the ones who want to do it. I won't speak to the psychology of it because much like you I'm not an expert, but that's just how it is. Women should fight in wars and so should men, but men are typically the ones who feel better equipped to do so and don't want their wives to leave their children abandoned while they do so, so the wife leaves with the child. if I was married and conscripted into war, I'd ask my wife to leave even if we didn't have a child because I care about her, not because of some inequality issue. There are plenty of women fighting in the Ukraine as well, but of course you ignore that for your straw man argument. If you can't understand that then I don't know what to tell you. Some people love their families and don't want them to die.
And again, someone needs to go with the child. Just because you'd want to throw your wife into the fray and leave with your child doesn't mean everyone would.
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u/UkraineWithoutTheBot Mar 26 '22
It's 'Ukraine' and not 'the Ukraine'
Consider supporting anti-war efforts in any possible way: [Help 2 Ukraine] 💙💛
[Merriam-Webster] [BBC Styleguide]
Beep boop I’m a bot
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u/macrotransactions Mar 26 '22 edited Mar 26 '22
ye dude and men are also naturally in power, but we want to change that for equality
hence we also have to change the traditional roles of women where it privileges them, so equality can actually be achieved
women can't get both and men neither, that is not equality
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u/Fofalus Mar 26 '22
Here in the US we aren't at war and we have different laws.
No we at specifically have extremely similar laws in the case of the US the draft.
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u/Trash_Emperor Mar 26 '22
“One woman did this thing, must be that ALL women do that same thing”
How does your brain function without rolling out of your head lmao
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u/Fofalus Mar 26 '22
And yet the reverse is a completely acceptable attitude. Look at any post in twox and they will extrapolate what one man did as something all men do.
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u/Trash_Emperor Mar 26 '22
So? How does that make the guy I replied to any less dumb? Are you all a bunch of primary schoolers that can’t find another argument than “but they’re also doing it!”?
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u/Fofalus Mar 26 '22
It proves his point, one of those two things is labeled as dumb and inappropriate and the other is labeled as acceptable and accurate.
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Mar 26 '22
Oh an incel! Haven't seen one of those out in the wild in a while.
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u/Fofalus Mar 26 '22
Why does the amount of sex someone has concern you do much?
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 26 '22 edited Mar 26 '22
It's not that the guy doesn't have sex, it's that he's "taken the red pill" (their terminology) and believes that all of his problems come from the fact that women have too much freedom in today's world. They use that logic to justify some terrible opinions, from women deserve to be sexually assaulted to all women should be sex slaves.
The problem is incels genuinely believe that society is what's keeping them from having sex, so they never improve themselves. They just get bitter and hateful, and blame the world for their own problems they caused.
Edit to add some more thoughts: being an incel isn't really about not getting sex, it's about using others as a blame figure instead of admitting their own shortcomings. They blame whole groups of people for terrible shit that doesn't actually happen, and then use that logic to justify doing terrible shit themselves. If you think being an incel is just about how much sex they have then you're deluded and willfully ignorant of the vile shit they say and do.
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u/Fofalus Mar 26 '22
That is what the term means and has been transformed into an insult.
Should I also judge someone who thinks all of societies problems come from men, or is it realistic to understand both genders are responsible (or more realistically its a class thing but thats another topic)
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 26 '22 edited Mar 26 '22
Besides people with health problems that literally prevent them from having sex or they'll die, no one is actually an involuntary celibate (well, ace people too technically). It doesn't matter how attractive you are, if you work on having a nice personality you 100% will be able to find someone who is willing to have sex with you as long as you treat them with proper respect.
And your comparison there does not work. Women who hate men (since you're making this a fight between the two) don't form online communities in which they actively encourage each other to not only hate both men and women, but to commit physical and sexual acts of violence towards them. They also don't give themselves a label that they use as shorthand to say that they're violently sexist.
Men who don't hate women and believe that for whatever reason they will never have sex don't call themselves incels, because they know that term is incredibly loaded, and when people use incel as an insult it is exclusively aimed at men who spew hateful views against women and blame them for nearly every single problem out there. So it is entirely fair to say that the term incel has been coopted by the men who are violently sexist, to argue otherwise only muddies the water and serves to try and take blame away from the violent sexists who harass women online and literally commit mass shootings. And you bringing up the class issue is also muddying the water, you're trying to pull attention away from incels to exclusively blame the rich when both groups are responsible for absolutely horrendous behavior.
I can't say for sure but it honestly sounds like you are arguing in bad faith. If you aren't then I really recommend you stop defending incels, because people will assume you are one or at least sympathize with them. Incels do not deserve sympathy, violent crimes are already irreprehensible but blaming women to excuse it is even worse. If you continue to argue for them I will assume you are an incel yourself. I do not care how much you try to say this is a semantics argument, because it is not. This is an argument on whether incels are worth any sort of sympathy, and as long as they continue to do commit such terrible acts they do not deserve forgiveness.
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u/Fofalus Mar 26 '22
You accuse me of arguing in bad faith, but you don't even know the source of the word. It was literally used as a self identifier and then got co-opted into an insult.
And yes women do form communities that encourage abuse, see FDS for example. You want to label a group by the actions of their members, them I am also free to label all feminists by the horrible laws they push that cause men further harm. I can never understand that insanity of people like you who believe labeling groups together is only acceptable in their descriptions and anyone else doing it is arguing in bad faith. It is so common, I don't understand why I am surprised by it every time I see it.
Incels or the groups you label as incels didn't start out that way, but they were just further and further harassed for being incels that yes some turned violent. Your feeling is that anyone who doesn't implicitly trust women deserves hate is disgusting.
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u/DelawareMountains Mar 27 '22
You either misunderstood my argument or are misrepresenting it when you say that I was trying to suggest that anyone who doesn't trust women is automatically bad, I was saying anyone who doesn't respect women is bad. And let me clarify Female Dating Strategy is nowhere near the level of terrible that incels have reached. Yes they do not respect men, but they do not encourage each other to rape or kill people, and to compare the two is arguing in bad faith because you're trying to make out one group as worse than they actually are. Also comparing feminists to incels is muddying the waters again because the percentage of feminists who are hateful misandrists are a drastically smaller percentage of the group than the percentage of hateful misogynists in the incel community.
Now I already explained that the term incel is a misnomer except for two very small groups of people, so if the first people who used the term did so completely literally and weren't sexist then they were just dumb. But that doesn't even matter because nowadays you have to accept the fact that incel doesn't mean what you're trying to say it does. The violent men I am referring to adopted the term incels for themselves, it was not assigned to them. They also continue to self identify as incels despite knowing the connotations, so it is fair to group them together because they already did so themselves. As I explained men who actually respect women do not use the term incel to describe themselves, so the only ones left are the hateful men who choose to self identify as incels, and the people who get called out for acting like those hateful men. At this point the term incel refers to a political ideology, who in simplified terms believe women are the majority cause of all societal problems, and that taking away their freedoms would fix those problems. Whether or not the people who believe those views also have sex is irrelevant.
Also I'd really like to understand what you think incels started as, because whatever it was it ended up fostering a community of misogynists. I promise you that if the original incels we're not hateful, then they would not have allowed the people who were hateful take over the group. If those people existed, and tried to stand up against misogynists then failed to do so, they either adopted said terrible views or have splintered off into their own group. Can you tell me where that group is now? If not then I have no reason to believe there was any significant number of people who called themselves incels and were also not inclined to be hateful towards women.
Next the way you explain how incels turned violent is straight up wrong. Incels we're a very insulated group, and within their own community they fostered their sexist views. Incels didn't become sexist as a response to people calling them sexist, they were already sexist so people rightfully called them out. Also the way in which you say that "some" incels turned violent because they were bullied excuses their actions, the way you wrote that implies the logic of "obviously they killed a bunch of women, they were bullied online." It was not the bullying that did that, it was a group of people with hateful views grouping together and convincing each other that their hateful views are justified. Someone who respects women and gets bullied doesn't then go target and kill a bunch of women, if they kill anyone it would either be random people or those who bullied them directly.
If you can really engage with my argument, actually take the time to consider it instead of rejecting it outright because of your preconceived notions about incels or feminists or me even, then you will understand what the problem is here. You claim the problem is incels are misunderstood by the general public, I am claiming that either you misunderstand them yourself or you are arguing in favor of them in bad faith. Incels are not misunderstood, even if they once were in the past now they are not. Today an incel is someone who participates in online communities that claim women are at fault for both their issues and the incel's, and that hatred and violence is an appropriate response to that supposed reality. There is no arguing that, even if you genuinely believe otherwise language is defined by how the majority uses it, and the majority uses the term incel to refer the hateful people I described a moment ago.
You really need to ask yourself why you are arguing in defense of such a hateful group. To be honest I think I already know why, but it doesn't matter really. Choosing to side with incels is choosing to define yourself by the people you hate, and that is a miserable life to live. Don't bother saying that other groups do the same thing, it doesn't matter, I'm not talking about them I'm talking about you. Hate won't make you happy, it won't give you real meaning, it will just drag you down into despair and pain. My only hope is that you don't drag others down with you.
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u/PrettiKinx Mar 26 '22
In another response she said he was a perfect gentleman, open doors, pull out her chair, paid the meal and even filled her gas tank. But bc he didn't say you look beautiful, she cut him off lmao Like what the hell? She could have communicated that with him after the date or ask the guy. He's not a mind reminder, he might just want to be respectful. The fact that he's on a date shows that he's interested and finds her attractive.
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u/IForgotThePassIUsed Mar 26 '22
LOL filled the gas tank of some rando he just went on a date with.
I don't know whether this is more pathetic or hilarious.
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u/sammywammy53b Mar 26 '22
Paid her gas tank? On a date?
How is someone with such bad eye makeup getting all the stops pulled out for her?
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u/Secure-Imagination11 Mar 26 '22
I've been on dates where guys fill my tank but it was because I was driving. Maybe she was driving while being conceited.
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u/blamethemeta Mar 26 '22
Dude is a doormat.
Guys generally don't care or know about make-up as much as women.
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u/ryeshoes Mar 26 '22
Really. I predict in two months she'll be on Twitter spouting about how there aren't any men manning up and that's we're all man children.
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u/Karnewarrior Mar 26 '22
tbf if it was a date expecting to both give and receive compliments is probably pretty rational. It's a date. You're trying to bang this person down, presumably, or at least convince them to give you permission to put your tongue down their throat. Butter 'em up a little.
That said, complaining about not getting any is weird. Just don't go out with them again.
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u/KavikStronk Mar 26 '22
Yeah it's kind of a weird way to complain about a failed date, but the "rule" of not going on a second date if they don't show they like you on the first date seems rational. I mean the whole point of first dates is to figure out if you might like each other.
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Mar 26 '22
Even if it’s a date, I just can’t imagine looking out for a compliment or even angling to give one. I just want to have a good conversation, a laugh and feel a connection. The person above is nuts
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u/Karnewarrior Mar 26 '22
I mean, communication is like breathing. The more you focus on it, the harder it gets, even though it's dead simple and most people do it naturally.
OP focusing on the compliments is crazy, agreed, but her dumping a guy for not complimenting her on a date is... Harsh, but rational enough. If you're not saying nice things about each other on a date it's probably a shitty date.
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u/KavikStronk Mar 26 '22
Dumping seems like a large word for just not going on a second date even.
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u/Karnewarrior Mar 26 '22
Fair, it's more compact than any way I could think of to get across the idea more accurately though.
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Mar 26 '22
I compliment everyone, guys, girls, whatever. I just like when people feel comfortable. Which is strange because I can not accept compliments and my knee jerk reaction is to refute them immediately.
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u/Needmoresnakes Mar 26 '22 •
It's so fun complimenting people. They get all smiley and sometimes the thing you complimented ends up being a whole interest they have and they're even more excited showing you stuff.
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Mar 26 '22
Most men are happy to give compliments, but when women fish for them the insecurity is too much. IMO most men would love to fall in love with a queen but if you come in looking for a crown you’re not gonna get it.
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u/Traveler555 Mar 26 '22
but if you come in looking for a crown you’re not gonna get it.
Haha I'm stealing this! Seriously though, I can't stand insecurities. My gf gets complimented all the time. Friends and even strangers see us out for dinner and compliment her on her hair, eyes, makeup, dress, whatever.
I can't imagine what people say when she's at work when I'm not around. It's gotten to the point where she expects me to compliment her as much as random strangers do. It's frustrating.
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u/Bolo_strike Mar 26 '22
Eh it's probably meaningless coming from strangers after a while. I bet when you say it is one of the few times it still has real meaning to her.
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u/ChewySlinky Mar 26 '22
I can’t stand insecurities
My brother in Christ how could you say that about your own girlfriend
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u/BlakkArt Mar 26 '22
Girlfriends are not immune to being pains in the ass
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u/ChewySlinky Mar 26 '22
Of course not. I just can’t imagine saying that about someone I cared about. Like I’m sure she’s not very fucking thrilled about her insecurities either buddy.
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Mar 26 '22
Everyone has insecurities and of course a boyfriend should life their girlfriend up, but some people use them for attention.
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u/CriticismTop4627 Mar 26 '22
If u going on dates to seek validation, u really need to stop going on dates and focus on working on your self esteem, u can tell when a person is blown away by your mere presence without them saying anything.
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u/mightbeaquarian Mar 26 '22
There's nothing clever about this comeback, a basic bratty response. Why is everyone acting like it's weird to expect a compliment on a first date..? It's not the end of the world that you didn't get one but it's completely valid to be disappointed if you were interested in the person and they had nothing nice to say.
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Mar 26 '22
[deleted]
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u/ChewySlinky Mar 26 '22
My brother in Christ what in the absolute fuck are you talking about
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Mar 26 '22
This was literally a tweet from black Twitter. That’s why I brought it up. Definitely in that online community they get off on “humbling women “
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u/ChewySlinky Mar 26 '22
“Black Twitter”?? Do you mean it was just posted by a black person? Or do you mean the subreddit? In which case why in gods name would you say “the black community”?
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Mar 26 '22
No black Twitter is an actual place on Twitter, if something goes viral on black Twitter it’s likely that it’s not seen in other community. Black Twitter is not just a subreddit
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Mar 26 '22
Why should you expect a compliment? What’s wrong with having a good conversation, a laugh and a connection? The audacity to even be monitoring whether you get one is wild to me. And to tweet about it too. Mad.
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u/mightbeaquarian Mar 26 '22
"Mad"? Seriously? You really wouldn't feel down if you went on a romantic date meeting someone for the first time and they didn't say you look nice?
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Mar 26 '22 edited Mar 26 '22
The mad was in reference to tweeting about it. But no, ive done a lot of dating in my life and what mattered was the vibe, not compliments
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u/zanderkerbal Mar 26 '22
Is it not normal to compliment somebody you're ostensibly in love with? Like I wouldn't expect to be completely showered with them or anything but if my partner didn't speak positively of me a single time I'd suspect they're not interested. Going straight to "so we only date for compliments" from a single tweet is a huge leap.
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u/nhergen Mar 26 '22
It is truly bizarre to go on a date and not compliment the person you are with even a single time.
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u/AkselTranquilo Mar 27 '22
Well sorry if this is an unpopular opinion but isn’t complimenting someone on a date a pretty normal way to show interest? I get the comeback but the caption made no sense. “So we only date for compliments?” No but say you go to a restaurant you don’t go exclusively for good service but it makes the general experience better and not having it is a negative. Why’d this get 10k upvotes it was an average comeback.
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u/PrettiKinx Mar 27 '22
I mean if someone doesn't compliment me I wouldn't care. She said in another response that he was a "total gentleman, opened doors, pull chairs and even fill her tank for her drive home" Like if those things are not complimentary enough for her. Idk what is. Bc he didn't say "you look beautiful" she overlooked everything good he did. His actions clearly showed that he appreciated her. Also did she compliment him? The guy is not a mind reader. To cut someone off because they didn't compliment on your looks after all the kindness they were shown that night is really weird.
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u/AkselTranquilo Mar 27 '22
Sure it’s an overreaction but I can’t imagine going on a date with someone and not give a compliment to flirt a little. Idk maybe it’s just me but I’d be a little suspicious if a woman didn’t show interest.
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u/Traditional_Bee_2802 Mar 27 '22
I mean, not that clever. The point still stands, if he didn’t see anything worth complimenting in her why would they waste both of their time with a second date?
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u/Grapegoop Mar 26 '22
It is strange to not compliment your date at all if you’re interested in them. And if you’re not interested then why are you there
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Mar 26 '22
This post and comment section confuse me. If that's something that's important to her, and he doesn't do it, it seems like a reasonable decision not to continue, no? I don't think expecting a nice word on a date is super conceited. And perhaps he didn't have something nice to say. Just more reason for her conclusion to make sense, I would think.
I don't really see anything in this tweet that makes me conclude that there is anything wrong with either her or him. They had a date and their expectations weren't met, so they aren't dating anymore.
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u/Reiku_Johin Mar 26 '22
I kinda agree with you.
There's every chance that OP has seen extended tweets from the Twitter thread that paint her in an unflattering light, I don't get the vitriol for the woman (I actually do get it, let's be real).
If I had a date with someone and didn't receive a single compliment... Yeah I'd consider that weird. Compliments are broad things. He didn't have anything nice to say about her sense of humour? Her looks? What she does for a living?
This tweet alone is hardly worth the spite.
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u/Secure-Imagination11 Mar 26 '22
But it was one date and that's such a little thing. He's already on a date with her and doing all these things. If she needs verbal validation on the first date before she even gets to know the man then that's too high maintenance. Possibly needs therapy for that type of insecurity.
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Mar 26 '22
That's such an overreaction for such a small thing by you. Therapy? Because she wants compliments on a date? You do know you can simply disagree with people without having to accuse them of being evil.or mentally ill, right? You don't have to date her.
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u/Secure-Imagination11 Mar 26 '22
She's the one overreacting so I don't think I'm "overreacting" by suggesting therapy lol.
People who go to therapy are not evil or mentally ill, they're just people who need help understanding themselves and their world.
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Mar 26 '22
Just because she has other expectations than.you for a date doesn't make it an overreaction. You don't get to decide what other people want out of a date, or that every small preference you don't share is somehow abnormal. I don't get how you can get so outraged by something that literally doesn't affect you in any way whatsoever. And don't pretend your bringing up therapy wasn't an indictment. It was clearly meant derogatory and as an insult.
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u/Secure-Imagination11 Mar 26 '22
I'm not outraged. You're the one getting more worked up than I am lmao are you her?
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Mar 26 '22
That's a very odd thing to say. And mostly very childish. But this has been a real waste of time. So enjoy your hating strangers on the internet for minor disagreements. It seems pretty sad to be honest. And I don't care about her in any way, it's quite possible that she is actually an asshole. I am annoyed that people are jumping to the opportunity to judge someone harshly based on absolutely nothing. I don't get it. Weird hobby.
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u/Secure-Imagination11 Mar 26 '22
I don't hate her? I just think she's being unreasonable. But ok.
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u/ChewySlinky Mar 26 '22
Can you explain how it’s unreasonable to want the person your dating to say something nice about you? You sound like Russ lmfao
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u/Secure-Imagination11 Mar 26 '22
Idk who Russ is. I just think it's a small thing to completely dump a guy you've been on one date with. I'm sure he wasn't complimenting other people and deliberately not complimenting her.
Also like the OP posted she even said on her date he was a gentleman so I'm sure if she said something like "Do you like what I'm wearing?" Or give him a compliment and see if he reciprocates that he could've gotten the hint.
"He didn't compliment me after our complety normal date so I stopped talking to him." Sounds really conceited. But we don't have the whole story here so there could be more to it.
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u/starlightserenade44 Mar 26 '22 edited Mar 26 '22
It goes a little deeper than just wanting a compliment. The mentality behind it is kinda a huge no-no in psychology for various reasons.
She could have narcissistic/egotistical traits, expecting to be praised and adored and will get mad if they don't. Now notice I said she may have those traits, not that she IS a full-blown narcissistic person. We all have traits from the dark triad to deal with.
She could be very insecure, which makes her needy (needing external validation from others when it should come from within) and if she has a partner, it falls on them to make her feel good all the time. It's a very heavy burden to carry, mentally and emotionally taxing, and if you love someone, you should never put them through this. And if you love yourself, you should never accept this kind of very toxic relationship either.
Reasonably emotionally healthy and self-confident people don't EXPECT to be complimented and praised. They welcome it if they hear it, but they don't NEED it. She clearly does need it, it was a dealbreaker for her right on what seemed to be a first casual date. Whatever the emotional reason behind it, it's a red flag for me.
Not to mention that wanting compliments also shows she cares way too much about other people's opinions about her and that's also very unhealthy and toxic (for herself and for the people close to her). If they tell her she is worthless, ugly and stupid, she will believe them and get depressed, anxious; or she may not believe them but will make a very huge deal about it and in both cases she will take it personally. It usually spills on the people around her. If she's depressed or angry, they are the ones who will have to deal with her in her self-pity or self-affronted mood.
Just no. It may not be apparent in the beginning, but as time passes, the relationship would go downhill. Even in friendships this happens and it's never not toxic and emotionally heavy for everyone involved. She'll feel like the friends aren't supportive all the time, and they will feel her neediness.
Edit: minor readability edits and typos
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Mar 27 '22 edited Mar 27 '22
That is a lot of assumptions based on that one single tweet. What does psychology say about people who are overly judgemental and arrogantly diagnose strangers for no reason at all? This is so unbelievably over the top, it genuinely makes me worry about you instead.
Edit: this person replied but at the same time blocked me, meaning I can't even read the comment anymore. They did say "triggered, lol" though, so I guess that concludes that.
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u/starlightserenade44 Mar 27 '22
That's the pot calling the kettle black right there. I told you how the need for compliments is explained in psychology and some of the behaviors causing it or behind it. And it's all hypotethical since I don't know her.
You, on the other hand, made a personal attack on me and YOU are the one flatly judging. You are clearly triggered lol!! Since you don't see anything wrong with expecting compliments from people you barely know and never seeing them again judt because they didn't, I can see why you'd get all offended though. Good luck with that inner work, you'll need it.
Now bye :)
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u/Secure-Imagination11 Mar 26 '22
I worked with a girl like this but it wasn't just dates. If she got a new haircut and you didn't notice she'd make passive aggressive comments.
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u/sunisshinning Mar 26 '22
Should compliment yourself first, before you expect compliments from others. ..
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u/LateChapter8596 Mar 26 '22
I usually compliment them if they have nice tits or don't smell too bad.
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u/Someguy14201 Mar 26 '22
You guys should see the entire thread, she goes on about how she didn't expect a compliment anyways, yet still ditches him for not complimenting. TL;DR she's not honest with herself
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u/Chim_Pansy Mar 26 '22
Imagine thinking that anyone owes you compliments, especially someone you just met.
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u/Swistiannt Mar 27 '22
Ok but pro life tip?
If you expect a compliment; how about you give a compliment first?
If you expect flowers; why not give flowers first?
What goes around comes around, but don't expect anyone, whatever their gender is, to read your mind and do what you want them to do. Simply said; do unto others as you would yourself.
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u/sekhmet0108 Mar 26 '22
It is highly amusing just how much reddit likes to hate on women.
If I were one a date, and my date didn't give me even the smallest of compliments, I would be a tad miffed too. It either means that the guy didn't like anything about me or he just doesn't believe in giving any compliments at all...eitherways lack of chemistry. I would definitely have given compliments to him, so that would be even more odd if he wouldn't have said anything.
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u/TheDickDuchess Mar 26 '22
Yea, I've been in a relationship where, in hindsight, he lost his attraction to me and never complimented me. It took a toll on my mental health and self esteem. I'd like to know if my prospective partner thinks I'm pretty, or nice. I never want to date anyone who thinks I'm just "meh" anymore. Seems like most of the people just want to shit on a woman who is "asking for more than she deserves" or something.
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u/usernamesarehard1979 Mar 26 '22
“I love how your nose is right there in the middle of your face, and both of your eyes seem to work. “
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Mar 26 '22
She’s so used to her posts getting likes and compliments that when real life happens, she expects the same.
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u/SuperBaconjam Mar 26 '22
Fucking shame some people get compliments all the time and feel entitled to them, and then some people seldom ever get compliments and are just grateful to have the chance to be around people.
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u/Raisontolive Mar 26 '22
On our first date I suggested to him that he'd look better on our second date without his comb over. He did.
We've been married for 20 years. It doesn't always have to be a compliment.
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u/No-Conversation-7308 Mar 26 '22
She was probably boring, he was looking for something but Instagram has everything she's offering and he thought meeting a real human would have more to offer. And it didn't.
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u/noeagle77 Mar 26 '22
So compliment her. But not too much or you’re a creep.
Pay for dinner but first wait for her to allow it or you are shutting down her feminism.
Take her to a nice place to eat but not too nice or you’re showing off and that’s an obvious red flag.
Text her first and call her first or you’re playing games and wasting her time.
Did I miss anything from the rule book?
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u/CountCuriousness Mar 26 '22
Whoever she dated dodged a bullet. High maintenance people REALLY need to deliver something to justify their required maintenance.
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Mar 26 '22
A compliment is high maintenance???
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u/ChewySlinky Mar 26 '22
“She said she was hoping I’d bring her flowers since it was our anniversary. I told her to go fuck herself, I don’t need anyone that high maintenance.”
This is the type of dude that complains about being single
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u/CountCuriousness Mar 27 '22
Oh oh, my turn:
"He got upset just because I wanted him to be an olympic gold athlete, leader of the country, and richest person in history! He had the gall of calling me high maintenance!"
This is the type of chick who complains about being single.
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u/CountCuriousness Mar 27 '22
The entire post comes off as incredibly high maintenance, yes.
You don't think being so mad you didn't get complimented that you angrily tweet about it reeks of high maintenance???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????(??????)
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u/Emperor_Quintana Mar 26 '22
Or that he was at a loss for words for the entirety of the date, on how beautiful she looks (idk, I’m not a dermatologist)?
Man, she must be so oblivious…
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Mar 26 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OnemoreSavBlanc Mar 26 '22
I think this should be the way for anyone. Go on a date with someone then you (bloke, chick whoever you are) should just try to say something nice.
Even if it’s “you look nice” or “cool outfit” it just seems like the right, polite thing to do but it goes both ways.
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u/ABenevolentDespot Mar 26 '22
You will be divorced several times and die poor and alone with a house full of cats who will eat your face on the second day while your gay male roommate is partying in Cancun.
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u/OlDirtyBasthard Mar 26 '22
You have great depth perception… akin to a fish or deer considering the distance between your eyes.
)compliment
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u/OneAbbreviations8070 Mar 26 '22
He took her out, didn't fancy her much then moved on, get over it, it happens. I wish I had this much deluded confidence when I was young, actually I don't because it stopped me being an obnoxious undateble unaware arsehole. I'm female age 52 and have lots of life experience. Kids today eh, who fills their head with this shite.
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Mar 26 '22
I have no opinion on this whatsoever. I am neither outraged nor pleased by this. Have a good day.
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u/Deranged_Kitsune Mar 27 '22
So we only date for compliments?
Pretty sure the free food and drink play a large factor, too.
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u/sander4702 Mar 27 '22
Maybe he saw that forehead and was thinking of how he would want to land an airplane on it
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u/findhumorinlife Mar 27 '22
What a vapid, shallow , self absorbed human. And then to not know that about yourself so that you post it on social media.
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u/RingDue7768 Mar 28 '22
Never happened to me but the one guy I was talking to said it's a woman was all excited when she is eating enough over sudden your teeth fell out onto the plate hey if you grab New Wave him off and stuck in back in her mouth he said I'm not quite sure what's going on there she looks like she's maybe in her twenties maybe you can eat teen who's the first date and he wasn't quite sure how that how you should react to that
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u/Mo_Jack Apr 04 '22
the dude was like, "I had a date with this inSaney gal that was so weird. The whole night all she did was fish for compliments, but I didn't give her one just to watch her get more desperate."
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u/Ardothbey Mar 26 '22
"I haven't spoken to him since". He hasn't called you right? Think about that.