r/self Oct 27 '22

Self is now limiting submissions to two per account in a rolling 24 hour period.


Hello all,

There seems to be a higher than normal number of users taking advantage of our previous unlimited submission policy, and for the most part spamming the queue with multiple submissions every day. Some of these are utter nonsense and do not really add much to this community. As a result we are now limiting the total number of submissions per user to 2 submissions during a 24 hour period. This includes deleted posts, so you cannot circumvent the limit.

If you have any questions or concerns, please comment in this thread.

r/self 6h ago

I got robbed and made a profit


Honestly I don't know where to put this but something happened, maybe morally questionable, and I want to tell people but probably better I am behind a shroud of anonymity. So enjoy and judge as you like 👍

Last week, I got paid like I do every fortnight. Very nice. I continue about my life. The next morning I need to go a buy a couple of little things at the store. I get to the checkout and my card declines a $12 purchase. Hmm very weird, I just got paid. I check my banking app and see $-32. I'm in overdraw. Go to the transactions and see my account has been totally drained by... the fucking kids game ROBLOX.

I have to leave the store and go home crying the whole way. I had alot of things that needed to be paid for and I always cry in a crisis. I call my bank and get put on hold for aaaages. Whilst I'm on hold I find the contact for ROBLOX support and email them with a, "I'm not a 12 year old gamer why the fuck do you have my money?"

Finally I get through to the bank person, crying still, which was probably helpful because they're extremely nice saying "clearly you are not a fucking weird child spending $2000 on lootboxes, we will clawback your money and reverse these charges." Fantastic. Crisis averted. I get my money back next day and everything is swell again. Then, ROBLOX emails me back, they want details and I think, you know this person that stole my money should probably get banned, so I email back "hey my bank got my money back but here's all the charges and proof. Go get em tiger"

So now this is all over. Except that this morning I check my account to see ROBLOX refunds has sent me my money back. Again. So I got my whole pay check twice. So in a nutshell I really did get robbed and made my pay check in profit.

Ps. Yes im keeping the extra money. I feel no personal obligation to keep ROBLOX afloat. Ill take it as an inconvenience fee.

r/self 1d ago

"women are either smart or pretty, I've never met one that was both"


My dad said this in front of me (21f) and his niece (19f). I'm more pissed that I didn't call him out, I've called him out for saying shit like that multiple times but he always just says I'm overreacting or something and won't even try to see from my point of view, so it's like why even bother at this point. He wonders why I hardly every visit him. He insinuates that he knows that I don't like him but he's never actually tried talking to me about it so why would anything I say to him matter, he clearly doesn't give a shit about me. I told him years ago that I was depressed and he said "you just need to get a boyfriend" wtf. Okay asshole.

r/self 15h ago

My daughter is in her room talking to herself.


I am sitting in hall. I hope to god her life doesn’t turn out like mine, in her forties and still alone.

r/self 21h ago

I just kicked out my boyfriend of 3 years for relapsing on meth, and now today I found out that my dog, my son, has terminal cancer and has weeks left to live


I just kicked out my boyfriend of 3 years because he relapsed on meth again, and he pretended he got arrested , but he was actually off having sex with random people for 15 hours while on meth. I just found out. And also today I just found out my 7 year old dog, Teddy, has aggressive terminal cancer and possibly has weeks left to live. He has his appointment soon. He isn't even acting sick at all, he is so happy and normal. I don't know what I will do when he stops eating and starts losing weight. I have to think about putting him to sleep when that happens. I can't see him suffer. I'm not sure I can handle being in the room , but I have to . I hate having to hold in cries.

I have cried a lot about my dog, when it bursts out when I look at him. He's my son and I raised him since he was a tiny baby . Idk if im crying about my breakup too. This is really hard. And I'm smoking weed and I'm very numb, at least right now. Everytime I hold my dog I want to cry . At least there is more room on the bed for me and Teddy now,,, I'm scared to be alone when he passes .

Any advice on how to handle this. Or anything. Thank you

r/self 1h ago

My disabled puppy is dying


I adopted a dog from another country who was very young with no motor function- at all. I had surgeries and rehab done for years, he is very mobile with his front legs but due to a tumor on his spine can’t cognitively access his back despite having sensation there.

He’s happy, healthy, a straight up athlete in his wheelchair ( and moves around the house totally fine on two legs too) that allows him to be front legs only.

But then the tumor turned cancerous. I was away on a trip for work and came home to him emaciated ( my sitter is the best, my other dog is in perfect shape, I love her, it’s not her fault).

I truly want to die. I feel I failed him. He tried so hard just to regain motor function and despite back leg paralysis he’s in solid shape ( seriously- this boy hikes mountains in his dog wheelchair), and I’m about to lose him.

He’s only 3

I wish I knew where to post, but I needed to say it somewhere

I’m truly weeping ( and I’m not a crier) as I write this. He’s sleeping on my lap right now and I’m devastated. He tried so hard.

r/self 1h ago

Time will heal all wounds - no it won't


What's one of the biggest lies which one person can say to another? For me it's "Time will heal all wounds". For me time can only bury some wounds and you can just get used to live with them.

Like wounds from being raped.

9 years ago I met a guy via internet on one of the popular online forums in my country. I've just broke up with my boyfriend so I wasn't interested in looking for a new one or something similar.

We just talked with each other - and it was really good. During time we become really great online friends. We talked about everything - good and bad things. It turned out also that he lives just few streets from me and we have mutual friends in real life. But still we had just online/phone contact. It was like that for few months 6 or 8.

After this 6 or 8 months I started to having a problems with my laptop. And he had a knack for computers so we decided to finally meet each other and he will take a look what's happening with my computer. He invited me to his place and I agreed.

I was thinking hmmmm... we talking with each other for quite a long time, we have mutual friends so why not. I can go to his apartment. Gosh I was so freaki* stupid.

At beginning it was fine - he fixed a problem with my computer, it took a while and then asked if I wanna eat with him 'cause he made a spaghetti and don't like eating alone. We were eating, he bring me a glass of wine also. And after half glass I've lost consciousness. Completely blank page. I only remember that few hours later I regained consciousness for only a minute and he was doing it with me... I was terrified and only asked if he used a condom. Then I lost consciousness again.

I have no idea how many times he raped me that night and how. I have no idea if he used a condom or no. I have no idea what dud he put in that wine - if it was GHB or something else. Except this one minute of consciousness during being raped I don't remember anything else from the night.

Also I don't remember morning after very well. I think I was just in so big shock that I just left his apartment...

I didn't reported it to the police or went to the hospital. Yes, I know it's stupid that I didn't and I should but I was scared. I was alone with this and I was so scared what will happened next.

In cases of rape my country has tendency to victim blaming ' why did you went there', 'why did you had skirt and not pants', 'are you sure that you didn't provoked him?', 'why this, why that'. I didn't want to go through all of this alone. Also maybe it's kind of stupid reason but his brother was well know lawyer so...

Did I told someone about this - yes my mother and my closest friend. Did they believe me? No. Both of them was 'Well, it's your fault you shouldn't go'. Yes I know but back them it wouldn't cross my mind that the guy with who I talk almost everyday for several months and would plan something like that. And he had to if he had 'date rape drug'. Now I know that I shouldn't go. But I really thought that we are friends...

I think it was major reason why I fallen into deep depression. I messed up with my master's, messed up with my work, messed up with everything. Now still my life isn't in great condition as I thought it would be... and meanwhile during this years he gets everything which he wanted - successful career, big house, wife and daughter. Why it has to be like that. Why life is so not fair that he gest everything and I don't have nothing...

I went to therapy. Well to be honest I had 4 therapists with I was trying to get over it. But still I can't. It's so deep inside.

And I'm so twisted.

I don't have problem with sleeping with someone. After that I was sleeping with other men. But I have problem with relationship. I just can't. I feel so dirty psychically. This dirt is so heavy and I cannot wash it. And I know that I should be alone - I don't deserve for anything else. I read multiple articles about that. I read that men when they getting to know that their partner was sexually assaulted they cannot handle it.

My current friends and colleagues at work keep asking me why I'm alone. After all I'm turning 33 this year and wasn't in relationship 9 years. It so bothersome. I feel so tired 'cause of this. No matter what I will tell them 'I don't have luck in love', 'It just turned out like that' they are keep asking...

I doubt if I will ever heal from it and will be able to have loving relationship. I get used to live with this memories, with this pain. I'm not clawing at my wounds everyday. It just sometimes it hits me back...

So no time will not heal all wounds. As I said at beginning it can bury some of them deep inside and help get used to living with them.

r/self 5h ago

I don't have to fix everything


I just realized that I don't have to always forgive everyone. I don't have to see good in everyone. It's okay to leave things shitty between me and the people who have hurt me.

When I was a kid, everything that I did wrong resulted in my parents raging at me. They would chase me and shout at me, and then tell me there's something deeply wrong with me for being scared of them. After that, we would "make up", as in, apologize and hug. I remember not even knowing what I was apologizing for, but it was the only way out of the situation. Sometimes my parents would apologize to me, and I would kind of be forced to forgive them even when I wasn't ready to do so. I never learned how to really forgive.

Whenever I'm having a negative feeling towards someone close to me, I start feeling so terrible that I try to make it stop it as soon as possible. I find myself often explaining other people's mistakes to myself. Like when someone hurts me, I often think to myself "maybe they didn't mean to" or "they didn't think it would hurt me". And then I think to myself like "yeah that's probably it, I forgive them". And then I forget about it completely.

So, recently I have been starting to remember all the ways people have hurt me. It's so overwhelming feeling all the hurt I never allowed myself to feel. I'm not sure what to do with it.

r/self 11h ago

When you’ve been so hurt for years that you aren’t even disappointed by failure anymore, it just feels fitting to the void inside you


To the sensation that you feel dead on the inside, that there’s no hope and that all of what you believed in was bullshit from the start. Like you just come to terms with it all. I still get up everyday. I still do things and want to work on things, but that doesn’t mean I feel completely hollow.

r/self 10h ago

It's amazing how some dreams can be so powerful and detailed (and sometimes weird) that you remember them fully all day, how can the brain just randomly make up such wacky stories?!


r/self 3h ago

I know I should not feel like this, but I feel unworthy of love.


r/self 0m ago

Is anyone feeling lost in this world? Because I might have an answer.


I'd like to get some voice call experience explaining what is kinda like a religion but it's not. Though, its not a cult either, and I don't want your money.

I have a background of living a relatively sad life and I want to make things better for the world but in the way I feel I'm good at.

I'm not a good preacher but I think I'm good at coming up with the material to preach.

If you want to listen or just talk about things, then pls let me know!

r/self 49m ago

How can I get sample ADHD meds easily/legally?


r/self 1h ago

My mom enables my brother to be an abuser (trigger warning: abuse, eating disorder)


I am beyond frustrated because my (34f) brother (32m) assaulted our mom (64f) last July and now the charges are getting dropped because she isn’t testifying and doesn’t think “any consequences will help him”. This is stupid frustrating for the following reasons:

-When I was a teenager my mom and brother would attack me because they wanted to catch me with weed. Then when I’d get away they’d call the cops and have me arrested for “assaulting them”. My mom even told me to my face “If I cant catch you with the weed I’ll have you arrested for something else.” This happened 3 or 4 times until the last time I got pissed for having so many false charges (including felony assault on a minor) that I did hit my mom and was locked up for 7 months in an RTC (think kids for cash). The reason I bring this up is because my mom would ask the courts to keep me locked up literally every opportunity. So I’m struggling to see why she was so intent on me facing charges and consequences at 15 but goes softer on a 32 yo man?

Btw my mom let my brother smoke a bong right in the living room and my mom likes to brag about how she smoked weed everyday in high school. It upsets me because I know deep down my mom thinks her and my brother are better than me because she was a cheerleader and he was a jock. I was always the black sheep and my brother was the golden child.

-My brother has gotten away with being abusive for years. My mom finally admits she knew about his steroid use, but at the time denied he had “roid rage”. My brother would punch holes in doors, abuse my cat, play with fire, called me fat everyday since I was very young (I became bulimic which he mocked as well).

When I was 21yo I came back to my moms house pregnant looking to escape an abusive relationship. My brother got mad at me over an Internet cord. He was ripped at the time (literally had just won world strength conditioning championship in Vegas a year or so before) and he pushed me over an ottoman onto the floor. Him and his equally ripped friend stood over me laughing. I called the cops and my little brother called my mom. She rushed home from her job ( school teacher) to tell the cops I was lying and kicked me out. To the side my mom told me “I’m not going to let you mess up his football career”. She gaslit me for 13 years and barely started to try apologizing recently.

-My brother has abused both his baby moms. I will never meet my niece because of this. And my nephew is currently in foster care. It’s a complicated situation, but my brother is truly sick. He talks to me and my mom the same way he talks to all women, that we’re all fat worthless wh0r€z who should hang ourselves. My brother never made any kind of sports career because his mental health is so poor. He literally has devil tattoos all over his face. He refuses to work and literally gets by conning people and telling them stories for sympathy.

-My parents both went broke for my brother, and my mom went far into debt. If I ever had any kind of legal trouble I dealt with it myself. For my brother they hire private attorneys. When I was homeless nobody in my family helped me so I had to pitch a tent and get on my feet on my own. My mom has continued to enable my brother financially to the point it’s literally disgusting. He refuses to work or get help or admit he has a problem, and my mom pays for him to live at the crown plaza. My parents have no money because of this and my mom is drowning in debt.

Idk why I’m making this post because it sure doesn’t cover everything, but damn. I guess it’s hard for me to cope with the fact that my mom has covered for him over and over. She will never miss an opportunity to throw me under the bus, but will cover for my brother so he gets away with literally abusing people, especially women. If you look at his arrest history he gets out of criminal charges every single time because he bullies them not to press charges, someone gets him a fancy attorney, or when he assaulted me my mom told the cops I was lying.

My life is going so much better now. I have kids and a partner and an education. I’m trying to pivot careers. I have a home and a nice vehicle. So I’m actually doing pretty well! But it does make me sad still that my brother gets away with being an abuser every time. I was really hoping he would actually face consequences this time. I have to wonder who he will abuse next. It also makes me sad that I could never really look up to my mom as far as domestic violence and things like that go. In my family it was always taught that you cover things up to keep a good appearance, deny and gaslit. Especially if you are a cheerleader or a jock or something like that! I know that’s not what athleticism is all about, but in the 90s when we were kids growing up it seems like there was a ton of that toxic macho stuff going on. (As well as fat shaming that was present in my family and triggered my eating disorder.) It seems like my parents just didn’t care whether my brother was a good person or not. They cared more about football and turned a blind eye to a lot of things. I wish I had a better relationship with my mom like so many “normal” people have. If I call her out on literally anything she says I’m “attacking her”. I have to think she is seriously narcissistic.

Just wondering if anyone can relate or cheer me up or something along those lines! I have never seen or heard of a situation like this before.

r/self 1h ago

Hot to ice bath?


r/self 1h ago

Di ka kayang ipaglaban


Pwede kang magmahal pero di ka kayang ipaglaban.

r/self 2h ago

People who were teenagers in the 2000s, I think I know how you guys feel about time now


Ever since I turned 23 some months ago I’ve been feeling very weird about the concept of time. I remember 2013 aka a decade ago was just yesterday. So when you guys were in your 20s in the 2010s, you must have felt about the 2000s what I’m feeling about the 2010s. I’m still living in the same room in the same house and it felt like time didn’t move at all. All of a sudden I’m in my 20s. What makes me feel crazier is that the gap between this year and 2013, is the same gap between 2013 and 2003, when I was 4!! And 5 years don’t even feel that long anymore. I’ve lived close to 5 times 5 years. Or more like 6 times 4 years. And beginning of Covid was 3 years ago?? And 3 years before that I was still in high school. Then 3 more years that Covid robbed us??? That’s already 6 years in total. I guess what I’m wondering is… why does time feel so slow and so fast at the same time? I feel old but I also feel like we are all pretty young. Like 1920 was about a century ago right? If I multiply my lifetime up until now by like 4, that’s a century already! 1920 doesn’t seem that long ago anymore….

r/self 1d ago

Worst Pain


The worst pain is having no contact with the person you're still inlove with, who at one point in time sent you message that would make your heart melt. And now you can only love them in silence from a distance. Slowly being forced to close a chapter that you never wanted to end😔💔

r/self 3h ago

Went to a rave yesterday and everyone seemed to be able to enjoy it except me


I've never really been the type to enjoy frat parties or whatnot, but I had always thought in the past that it was due to previous crippling social anxiety, and that if I could just relax I could have fun. I think ive made a good deal of progress in that regard as of late, and I feel i've largely gotten over the kind of anxiety I was feeling, and have been able to enjoy myself at parties more which im happy about, but I went to this rave with some friends ans my boyfriend yesterday and I think I had one of the most unfun experiences ever. It felt like all my old anxieties came back and I just couldnt get out of my own head no matter how unsober I got. It moreso makes me feel bad because I was seeing all my friends have fun and I didn't want to show having a bad time cuz i didn't want it to impact theirs. My boyfriend messaged me about another rave this weekend and idk but I don't think I want to experience that again but also I feel like its for the same reasons it used to be (bad social anxiety, idk it just seems like the rave brought it back out which doesnt make me very hopeful)

r/self 4h ago

i am angry with myself because of a rushed promise I tried to make to God/Gods under anxiety attack


Years ago, I was a few meters away from my older apartment and my ocd was telling me to return home to get other, clean paper napkins from my kitchen, in order to use them instead for a cleaning compulsion.

I did not want to do the compulsion and ocd kept bugging me. I was tired and dizzy. I rushly tried to make a promise to God/Gods that I wont return home in order to get paper napkins and I asked to be cursed if in case I break the promise by doing the compulsion.

I was trying to scare my ocd by making a promise to God/Gods and asking to be cursed if in case I do the compulsion. I did not want to do such a promise/deal but I foolishly thought that the fear of the curse will help me ignore my ocd.

I think I canceled the promise/deal in the last moment but what if it was accepted.

Every day, I live in fear that I may accidentally do something or think something that may break that promise. I am afraid of a very specific curse.

I used to have faith in christian God when I tried to make that non-sense promise but now, that I lost my faith I worry if that promise was accepted by other Gods.

Every day I worry that I may accidentally break that promise.

Today, I entered the building of my new aparment and I was ready to enter the elevator. Because of my ocd I was worrying about stuff like "what if I accdentally touch a paper napkin that was left on the elevator door when I try to open the door?"

I rushly wanted to check and confirm that there was not any paper napkin on the door. Ocd now is giving me worries. What if by trying to check anda confirm that there were not paper napkins on the elevator door, somehow counted as if i returned home with the intention of getting paper napkins?

My words of the promise (if it counted) were something like I wont return home to get other paper napkins or something like that (i was living in a different aparment when I said it). what if by trying to confirm that there were no paper napkins, somehow broke the promise?

what the word "home" means? does it apply only for my aparment? or even for the common corridor of the building that my aparment is? does it count only for my old aparment or for every aparment that i will live? does the promise count (if counted) only for the action or even for the thoughts?

does the elevator of the building that my aparment is, count as home or not? does checking to confirm that there are no napkins count as if i returned for napkins?

r/self 8h ago

Tell me your real horror stories in detail!


r/self 18h ago

TW SA. rather not have it in bold


I was raped last night. I feel violated and I feel disgusting. I question if I should report it. The idea of going to the policy station and being that vulnerable scares me

There’s hotlines but I’m nervous to use those too. I hate that this happened. I want to burn my body and my mind from this experience

r/self 13h ago

how would you rebuild trust in a relationship after a partner is unfaithful


My therapist asks me why i trust my boyfriend now after years (about half our relationship) of him emotionally cheating (sexting, girls sitting on his lap, just general fucked up shit) and i said i dont know and i dont know if i trust, i just have hope in him that he wont do it again

She asked me is there anything hes doing to show hes regretful and wont do it again, and she seemed disappointed when i said no

I dont know even know what id ask him to do without being controlling, but i kind of understand what she said.